What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I didn't shave. On purpose
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
