I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
