you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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