pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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