He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
