so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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