my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
