also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
