So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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