Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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