I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
