Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
