If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
