oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
