My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He did a backflip because drugs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
