I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
