I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
