I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
