Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
