why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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