I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
