Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
