He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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