I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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