I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
