Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
