I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
