I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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