He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
