Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
