I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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