omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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