JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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