bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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