Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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