I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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