I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
