My friends, they love my intelligence
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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