everyone is single if you try hard enough
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize