Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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