The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
