Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
