They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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