Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
