I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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