and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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