Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
