I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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