just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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