i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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