the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
