I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
