i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
