you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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