Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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