I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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