I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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