just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't deserve a penis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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