her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
