THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
