I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
