Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
