It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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