I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize