here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
