nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize