why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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