Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
