guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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