The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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