at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
