About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
