3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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