I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
