apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
