watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
