You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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