Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
