Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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