I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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