yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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