Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
