Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
