omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
