Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
