We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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