no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
