Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
