I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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