all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
