Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize