Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
