This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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