Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize