right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
