I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
