Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't make out with my wife yet
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
