ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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