omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
