this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
